Magic In the Mess 🌚

So you hit your noggin’ at an aggressive force.

Life looks a little different, feels a little strange, you might operate at a slower pace. You might forget things a little more often, blank out completely, struggle with constant headaches, and overwhelming fatigue. That’s probably not all, there’s definitely more I’m missing but let me tell you, its going to be okay.

This isn’t the end and you can find ways to help navigate this new journey.

Here are the ways I’ve been able to survive the days and get through the past two years of living with my brain injury.

Maybe this will help you too ✨

1.) Phone Apps & Sticky notes:

Believe it or not I’ve found a few apps that have made keeping track of things so much easier. My favorite for the whole family is called “The Family wall” its a scheduling app that my husband and kids are all linked and can access as well. We all rely on it heavily to keep our schedules, appointments, and other things aligned. I check it daily and add things as soon as they are scheduled so I don’t lose track or forget. And, good old fashioned post it notes when my phone isn’t available, we also keep a dry erase marker near the fridge so when things run out we write it right on the fridge.

2.) Journal:

Luckily this is a hobby I had already loved, I’ve always been a writer ever since I was little. Right after my accident for about 6-8 months writing was very difficult and it as so depressing. So I started collecting little memorabilia for my days and “Junk Journaling” to keep the memories. Now for the past year I have written and Journaled almost everyday, it has become so wonderful, and such a helpful tool for the memories, facts and little things I seem to be forgetting.

3.) Listen to my body, and Rest Rest Rest:

Brain injuries are one of the most complex things to heal, as everybody’s brain is different. Everybody heals differently, and everybody has other conditions that can affect the success, rate, and ability to heal. With this being said, you are going to be the most exhausted you have ever been in your entire life. Like praying for somebody to shove a Duracell up your ass so that you can survive the day without a nap.

Guess what, that’s not going to happen. Take the Nap, your body will demand it.

Learn to Listen to your body, when you start feeling off do something about it. Change the environment, find a way to make yourself as comfortable as possible as soon as possible. The symptoms can appear out of no where and spiral from 0-100 SO FAST. This is not a “mind over matter” injury, and it never will be, you cannot push through the symptoms of a brain injury, and honestly you shouldn’t anyway. It is NOT healthy, or going to help you recover any better.

4.) Alarms:

I set alarms for almost everything. I set alarms to remind myself to switch laundry, a reminder to take my medications, a reminder to drink water, alarms for EVERY THING.

5.) Schedule Life Accordingly:

I plan ahead, I pay attention to weather, what else is planned the day before said event, and day after. I make sure I have time to recover, nap, give myself some peace after exciting events. Your energy levels are no longer working at full capacity, and likely never will. This takes some adjusting for you and the ones around you.

6.) Nutrition:

I put a lot of focus on vitamins, electrolytes, and making sure I bring snacks, water, and emergency medications everywhere I go.

7.) Communication:

For some this is a really hard one, admitting weakness sucks. No way around it, I tried my best to hide it all for a whole year. I cried silently at my desk several times while putting on a brave face after being reprimanded for things I couldn’t help. I couldn’t control my memory, or lack there of. I couldn’t control my fatigue, or the fact that I couldn’t multitask like I used to. I had a hard time admitting that driving now scares the shit out of me, and I still cannot decipher the texture of the roads. I also really struggle driving in the dark, my depth perception is so off. This is just the tip of the iceberg of things I now struggle with. After a year and a half of struggles I finally broke down and admitted defeat.

My husband and my daughter have been my number one “caregivers” when things are hard. I have had to learn how to communicate my difficulties, and had to really learn to be okay relying on others for help. Once again, NOT my strong suit, I’ve always been a miss independent, figure it out myself, I’m riding my own fucking motorcycle kinda girl. Which lead me here, how humbling.

8.) I repeat things:

While this is a double edge sword of a symptom and a method I use to help me at times. I frequently repeat myself without knowing, but I also frequently end up repeating myself to make sure I said it out loud and it wasn’t just a thought. This makes me sound a feel like a complete nut 😝

9.) Changed my Goals:

I have changed my goals, over and over again. I started simple, in the beginning just being able to hit the stand goal on my apple watch was a huge accomplishment. It took me well over a year to reach that one. My dreams have changed repeatedly over the years, I keep adjusting the vision to meet my lifestyle.

I once dreamed of a degree, a Chemical Engineer, an Anesthesiologist, a Radiographer… I also suffer from an Autoimmune Digestive Disease called Crohns. My body really hates stress, and reacts violently. College is stressful, and after multiple attempts to further my education failed horribly. I think that is the biggest heartbreak of my life, also currently one of my largest debts.

I settled at being a caregiver for a long time, I loved being a CNA. My grandma was a nurse and I feel that its just genetically in my blood that I was supposed to be a Nurse. Being the Sunshine in the elderly’s gloomy days was something I was so good at, I was so proud of it.

Then one day I passed out in my kitchen. Boom. Body doesn’t like this job either, got it. Another fork in the road, no big deal, I can do this.

Then I got a desk Job to make it easier on my physical health, then 3 weeks later I got in a Motorcycle accident and acquired this brain injury.

Which I’m now just calling a fun personality trait, brain injury sounds so depressing.

10.) BE PATIENT:

Most of all, be patient with yourself. Your body is fighting an injury, and trying to heal an injury constantly that cannot ever fully repair. Be thankful to be here, and do you’re best to change the goals, change the plan, adapt to your new situation and make some magic out of the Mess ✨🌚

-XoXo- Chelsea